The Intricacies of the Father Son Relationship after Divorce

People always say it is easier to raise a daughter, and whether or not that is true, it does get you thinking. Often times, father-son relationships can be difficult even before divorce rears its head. However, after divorce, it can seem like trying to make your way through a minefield. You may have hard feelings and misunderstandings to deal with before the relationship can get back on track and grow.

Your Son’s Age Is an Issue Up to a Point

If your son is a toddler when you divorce it may not be as much of a life-changing moment in the boy’s life as if it happens later. He wont grow up remembering the family unit being together, so there should be less hard feelings. But then again, the relationship you maintain with the mother of your son could makes a big difference in the years following the divorce. Moving on, getting past hurt feelings, and figuring out how to create a new relationship in which both of you love and support your children creates stability for your young child.

If your son is older when you divorce there could be several not so kind emotions going on for him.  He may be expressing them, or he may be keeping them buried. You need to know that he is hurting and he may be expressing it an many different ways.  Perhaps he is acting out at school more, or stops talking.  He needs you to be over there in his world and take the time to listen to him.  A family splitting up is not easy for him to go through and he needs you now more than ever. His world is changing too.  Communication is the key to comforting a 12-year-old when his father has to go live elsewhere and is not seen every single day from here on out.

Anger Is a Common Feeling

When a son’s mother and father get a divorce, sadness is usually the first emotion they will experience. However, anger is not too far behind. The anger may be directed at the father, mother, or even themselves, unfortunately. Be certain to stress to your son that you divorced your wife, not him.

The early times are the roughest, so if you can get through those, you are well on your way to a strong relationship. This does mean working well with the ex-wife and figuring out ways to include each other in as many activities as possible. If your son can see the two of you working together, the feelings of resentment will slowly dissolve.

Try not to let your anger or resentment toward your ex show, and don’t allow her negativity to get in the way either. Learning to co-parent alongside your ex as two responsible adults goes a long way toward showing your son that you are committed to him.

Schedule Constant Father-Son Outings

Your son needs you in his life. Even if it sometimes may only be a phone call or FaceTime on a busy day. To ensure your relationship is constantly growing, schedule outings with your son every week. It may be as simple as a baseball game during the day and a movie out at night, but you are creating memories for a lifetime. The main thing to remember is that a father is his son’s very first role model. So be sure to act in a way that your son can be proud of even if he isn’t exactly watching at the moment.

Your Father and Son Relationship Post Divorce Is New For Both of You

There is no set formula for making a father-son relationship work after a divorce. It all depends on the type of relationship you had previously and how hard you want to strive to make it even better. Keep in mind, it does take cohesive co-parenting to ensure all relationships survive divorce and proceed on into the future. It will take patience and you may feel frustrated at times, but a father-son relationship can thrive even under the toughest circumstances.

Do Your Own Work on Yourself

Remember that you are a role model for your son. Taking an honest look at how to build a strong relationship with your ex spouse creates a good example for your son to follow as he learns how to relate with others.