A Father’s Perspective on Divorce with Children
A Father’s Perspective on Divorce with Children
What’s a father’s perspective on divorce with children? Co-parenting is a sticky situation for even the most responsible father. There is a challenge around every corner from figuring out who gets to have the child on school days, weekends, on certain holidays, and trying to determine how to have a birthday party with in-laws with both sides attending. After all, you don’t want to be on a YouTube video showing an in-law brawl!
I’m not going to lie. If you went through a tough divorce from your former wife, co-parenting is not all rainbows and unicorns. It can be difficult to distinguish between the two roles of being a loving father and being a hurt ex-spouse without them overlapping on to each other.
Learn to Adapt
Being a co-parenting father that can play well with others all depends on your ability to adapt. To learn how to let things go and forgive. Just like Patrick Swayze’s character Dalton informed the other bouncers at the bar in the legendary film Road House, you have to be nice even when the occasion does not call for it. This may not have been a skill that you had when you were married, but it is something that you must learn how to do, and quickly, to make co-parenting a success.
All of us can probably find it easier to forgive and forget when you are not around the person 24 hours a day. If you are attached at the hip in a marriage, little things can get on your nerves over time. When you only have to see each other maybe half an hour a week, it is relatively simple to let things slide without making a federal case over everything. Remember this when co-parenting has you at the end of your rope.
Try Your Best as a Father to Make Co-Parenting Work
As a father, there are certain skills you need to have to make co-parenting a success on both sides. For instance, communication is key. Both parties should never speak poorly in front of the child about one another.
In addition, a schedule should always be in place week after week. To make this simple, share a Google calendar between the two of you and you can instantly have a synchronized schedule at the touch of a button. A little organization can go a long way in keeping things civil.
Quick exchanges as a father are key as well. The last thing you want to do is pick up your child in your ex-wife’s house as her new boyfriend is sitting on your old couch watching your 65-inch television that you are still making payments on. Just like successful bank robberies in the movies, you should get in and get out in seconds then there will be less time for things to go wrong.
It Is All About the Kids
There is a reason that you and your wife got a divorce. You didn’t see eye to eye on everything. Guess what? The same will go for co-parenting. You won’t like some things that your ex-wife does with your child. You may not like her style of parenting at all. But with that said, all you can do is be the best father possible to your child. Play nice, keep the Lifetime drama on low, and love your child enough to be hard on them when they are screwing up and the most stable force in their life at all times.
Ten key principles that enable children to flourish
The following principles presented by Psychology Today are offered in the spirit that fathers have the strengths, capacities and abilities to help children through the difficult transitions after a divorce, and will be able do the best for their children with concrete, practical support.
1. Be there for your children, both physically and emotionally.
2. Talk with your children about the divorce.
3. Let children be children.
4. Support the other parent’s role and relationship with your children.
5. Speak about and act in a respectful manner toward the other parent, especially in front of your children.
6. Wherever possible, maintain open communication channels with the other parent.
7. Maintain your child’s community of support.
8. Educate yourself about children’s needs, co-parenting options, and community resources.
9. Seek out formal and informal sources of co-parenting support.
10. Maintain your own health and well-being as a priority.
