How to Co-Parent at Your Child’s School After a Rough Divorce

As an elementary teacher that has spent over a decade working mainly with children ranging from kindergarten to fourth grade, I have had to face some uncomfortable situations over the years. For instance, I have lost count of how many students have vomited in my direction or on my desk in the classroom. And I have pulled out all my hair just because of the number of little classroom dramas between little kids that I have had to referee. But perhaps there has been no more awkward situation that I have been involved in repeatedly over the last few years than parent-teacher conferences with parents that have recently gone through a rough divorce and are now figuring out new ways of coparenting.

It is obvious when they sit down in front of my desk during conferences that the two of them would rather be anywhere else in the world besides sitting next to their ex. I can totally sympathize as being a parent myself and having come from a broken family back when I was a kid just how difficult the situation can often be. However, a parent has to keep reminding themselves of two things. One: This is not about you. It is about your child. And two: Keep it civil.

You Do Have Options

Keep in mind that co-parenting at your child’s school and in their classroom can run much smoother if you keep your options open.

Coparenting and Parent-Teacher Conferences

More and more parents now choose to have their own private conference without their ex sitting next to them. All you have to do is request it from the classroom teacher. I would say in the last couple of years, half of all divorced parents have separate conferences in my classroom. They usually go pretty well, too, if the “he said, she said” finger pointing is kept at a minimum.

While I am not a licensed therapist, I have heard some of the problems coparents encounter. After they have said their piece, I remind them that they can only control what is happening in their home with their child. If you know your ex-spouse is not focusing as much as they should on homework, then try your best to make up for it. If discipline and accountability are not enforced in one household, then the other has to step up.

You Don’t Have to Sit Next to Your Ex at School Events

Everyone loves to attend their child’s school events. Whether it is a school concert or a sporting event, it does not matter. Just seeing your child up there performing provides a thrill. Don’t make the event less enjoyable for yourself if you are not ready to sit next to your ex. There is no rule that says divorced parents have to sit together. Plus, if one of you brings a date or a new significant other, it might be best to just say hello and keep a bit of distance.

Make Sure the School Officials Know You Are Divorced

It might seem strange walking into the school office and making sure everyone knows you and your ex are now officially divorced. It’s not like you are trying to pick up the new school secretary or calling dibs on the principal who is single, but it is often something that parents fail to inform the school about. This can place everyone into an awkward situation as kids that once just had a first and last name for years now have a hyphen in it and want to be known as something else.

Plus, it lets school officials know that they have to contact both of you in case there is some sort of problem that arises since the two of you might not be communicating as you once did. It is simply a way to cover all of your bases.

Co-Parenting Does Get Easier

Even the least troublesome divorces where both participants are happy to put an end to their marriage and they agree on how to split everything equally are difficult to go through. Divorces have a tendency to hurt the soul for a bit. However, things do get better. That ex-spouse that you can’t stand at the moment could be a great friend later on in life. The two of you have brought in an amazing child (or children) into this world, so keep it all civilized for their sake. As time goes by, co-parenting will become much easier at the school and in your child’s classroom.

Guest post by Ryan Crowley