Healthy Co Parenting
Co-parenting is one of the toughest, yet most important challenges to navigate for a family. It’s critical to remember is that it is really all about the kids. Be sure to focus on the co-parenting approaches that are working the best. Our co parenting classes provide a great opportunity to grow as parents, whether your ex takes a class or not. They give you a process to work through what happened in the past and get on strong footing to create a new future for your family. With that in mind here are a few additional tips for achieving healthy co parenting.
Stay On Schedule
It’s easy at first to say you don’t need a pre-determined schedule and you’ll just figure it out as you go. This may work for a little while, but it won’t work forever and just leads to more stress of having to juggle balls in the air. It’s best for everyone (especially the kids!) if your schedule is solid. Of course, there may be times where you need to be flexible to help the other parent, but sticking by your custody schedule will help maintain a sense of balance in the kids’ lives. Kids thrive when they have a solid structure. And respect and trust grow when you can count on the other person to always maintain their commitments. If you need to accommodate one another at specific times and be flexible, it’s okay as long as it doesn’t interfere too much with your usual schedule.
Don’t Manipulate
A healthy co-parenting relationship can only be reached once you stop playing games. Don’t try to manipulate each other. Don’t try to “win” over the children. Many parents try to be the favorite by promising the kids extras or doing extreme things with them. A healthy relationship happens when both parents understand that it’s important for the kids to respect and love both of them. The parents need to both help the kids understand that the other parent is doing their best.
Managing Transitions
It’s tough on both the parents and the children when they get out of your car to walk into the other parent’s home. It’s emotional and scary at times. The good news is that you can both help the kids by helping them adjust. Stay positive each time you drop them off. Take time to talk to them about anything going on in either home. Help them understand the different routines at each parent’s household. Work with the other parent to make these transitions as easy as possible.
Attend Important Events Together
You may cringe at the thought of being in the room with your ex, but it’s important to show up at your children’s events. Try to shrug it off that you both are in the same room for sporting events and special meetings. Effective co-parents can put aside their differences for a few hours while they encourage their child. This is all about putting the child first. The kids are able to see that their parents don’t hate each other when they’re able to be in the same room.
Co Parenting Classes
Good coparenting classes can help parents get past their former relationship issues. They help you create workability for the future of your family. Parents learn ways to coordinate information, get over the past, and commit themselves to their kids. A parenting course will teach each of you how to walk through the toughest obstacles one step at a time. You’ll learn how to move forward instead of blaming each other for the past. Co-parenting classes are the best way for parents to learn how to work together even when they are on different pages.
Agree On The Big Stuff
It’s hard for some married parents to agree on the big things, so it’s often even harder for divorced parents to agree on these things. The big “stuff” like discipline, spiritual upbringing, money, health, and education are things that parents need to agree on. Parents must work together to raise their children in a mutual way. Sometimes a written parenting plan needs to be rolled out so they can refer back to it when making big decisions.
Talk About Changes Coming Up
Some children of divorced parents hate change. It throws them off when they crave a routine. If you have any last-minute changes, it’s important to always talk to them about them. Talk to each other about any changes in your upcoming schedule. If you’re thinking about a big change like moving homes or schools, make sure everyone is included in the conversation. If you’ve found another partner and are ready to introduce the kids, it’s crucial to talk to your ex about this big change. Remember that big changes often throw everyone for a loop. Healthy co-parents help the family navigate through small and big changes.
Don’t Speak Ill Of Each Other
This is a no-brainer, but it’s important not to talk bad about your ex in front of the kids. It’s tempting to spill all of your frustrations to your friends, but little ears hear you. If you speak badly of an ex, you’re teaching the kids it’s okay to talk this way about others. This also confuses the children as they know parents are supposed to love one another. It can be hard to explain that you will always love each other, but you cannot be together. Talking bad about the other parent leads to negative consequences no matter the context.
Get Along In Front Of The Kids
You don’t have to be smitten with each other to get along in front of your kids. If children think their parents are getting along, they have a more positive outlook on their family. Parents don’t have to agree on everything, but they do need to make the effort to show respect. They should work to minimize conflict in front of the kids. Never get in screaming arguments or call each other names. This does nothing for the good of your family.
Praise The Other Parent’s Purpose
Healthy co-parents know their children love both of them deeply. The parents have worked hard to figure out how to work together for the kids. They value the kids’ time with the other parent because they know how important it is to the child. They praise the other parent for their purpose in the kids’ lives. Even though it’s tough, they know it’s best that the other parent is there for the kids.
Keep The Peace
Conflict is going to happen in any family. It’s important to know how to keep the peace at all times. If the other parent has an issue with one of your decisions or wants the kids a few extra days during the holidays, know how to navigate the conversation in a peaceful way. There will be many obstacles as the kids go through the teen years and even into college years. Learn how to stay positive and figure it out along the way without losing your cool.
Learn To Communicate Directly
If you don’t learn to communicate, kids often feel as if they need to take a side. This is just stressful for everyone involved. If you don’t communicate directly, kids might get the message wrong. Communicate directly and openly with the other parent. Don’t let the children see any negative reactions to this communication. You can text or directly call the other parent. You might not want to hear their voice, but healthy co-parents learn to fight through the awkwardness to talk about their kids. Communication is one of the most important things in a healthy co-parenting relationship. Don’t let your message get lost like a game of “telephone.”
In conclusion, healthy co parenting can happen when both parents are willing and able to come together for the best interests of the children. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it. You don’t need to be married to still be able to find a peaceful, solid ground. You can move forward together as a family, leave the hurt in the past, and put the kids first when you parent together.
