What Children of Divorce Really Care About

Parents learn to deal with conflict and hurt feelings in good co parenting classes.  Numerous studies confirm that conflict creates the most pain and anguish in children of divorce. Sometimes exes have a difficult time working through differing opinions as well as the emotional trauma that comes along with the ending of a relationship – and it can show. Children pick up on these things and it can have an adverse effect on them.

Research has shown that children benefit when they fully experience love and relationship from both parents. When kids are shown how much they are loved and are protected from the unpleasant details that don’t pertain to them during a divorce or separation, they are able to go about their lives with more happiness and comfort, adjusting to the new normal with far less difficulty. Children need to be heard and listened to.  All children and people do better when they are heard and their feelings are listened to.

But sometime the co-parenting relationship can start off divisive or contentious for parents, and there is little room left to find out how the kids are feeling. Where parents once lived under the same roof, now being physically separated while parenting children can feel overwhelming.  Sometimes this stress spills out and gets in the way of the nurturing relationship with the children.  This is where good co parenting classes can help.  Parents need to get past what broke them up and get on to creating new lives that have their children thrive.

When both parents become preoccupied with their individual internal struggles or if they focus more on the details of divorce, their focused attention on their children may be withdrawn, often leaving kids feeling abandoned and like they have to work through their feelings alone. Children need adequate emotional support to help them through these challenges to prevent feelings like anger, confusion, sadness and grief from rearing their ugly heads. Co parenting classes help parents sort out their own feelings so that they can be there for their kids and listen to what is going on with them.

When exes put their focus primarily on what matters to them rather than to their kids, the children can be be hurt, confused, or withdrawn. Ask your children what matters to them. Let them be involved in some of the decisions so they feel like they have a greater sense of control in a world that likely feels like it is spinning out of it.  When you talk with your kids, think about what is important to them.

What Children Don’t Care About

Kids don’t care about:

• Who pays the child support.
• Who was married to who.
• Whether you like your ex’s new partner or not.
• Why you don’t like your ex.
• About the fight you and your ex just had.
• How much of a failure you think your ex is.

They are only children and are not up to handling such heavy matters. Talking like this is essentially an attempt (albeit, often subconscious) at getting your kids to take sides, which will only hurt them more in the long run.

What Children Do Care About

Children of divorce care about:

• Who makes them dinner.
• Who gets into tickle fights with them.
• Who they hear cheering from the stands.
• Who shows up to pick them up from school.
• Who stayed up until 4 am putting their bike together or finishing their costume.
• Who hugs them and tells them, “I love you no matter what.” And, “I will always be here for you.”
• Who stays up with them when they are sick .
• Who asks them how they feel and talks to them about their struggles.

These are the things that children care about. And that’s exactly what co-parents who care about their kids do and what co parenting classes help parents create.